Join us on a literary world trip!
Add this book to bookshelf
Grey
Write a new comment Default profile 50px
Grey
Subscribe to read the full book or read the first pages for free!
I want to read the book!
All characters reduced
Coconut Kelz's Guide to Surviving This Shithole - cover

Coconut Kelz's Guide to Surviving This Shithole

Lesego Tlhabi

Publisher: Jonathan Ball

  • 0
  • 0
  • 0

Summary

When she was last spotted on the crossroads of Swart and Gevaar Roads, Coconut Kelz was drinking Woolies water and spreading her 'truth bombs' about the state of the nation, why corruption is okay when white people do it and why black people don't win in life . . .
Coconut Kelz ('Kelello, but call me Kelz!') is a young Caucasian woman trapped in a black woman's body. Kelz lives in – and tries never to leave – Sandton and is a staunch member of the DA. She often takes issue with her reverse racist dad, while her mother has to remind her that Braai Day is actually called Heritage Day.
With handy tips on how to achieve the white right standard of beauty, how to catch yourself a white guy ('elongate your vowels, get yourself into white spaces'), the best suburbs to live in and how to host the perfect Caucasian shindig, Kelz offers a complete guide for a full Caucasian conversion. She also shares her thoughts on the differences between race groups, the top three political parties, public transport, how to avoid contact with sgebengas and why one should never stray beyond the Line of Caucus.
Coconut Kelz's adoration of all things white has riled up many unsuspecting viewers. Of course the real butt of the joke is the white South Africans whose prejudice and dishonesties are laid bare by this character.
Available since: 09/04/2019.
Print length: 176 pages.

Other books that might interest you

  • Whispers in the Wilderness - cover

    Whispers in the Wilderness

    Erik Stensland

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 
    Take a journey with Whispers in the Wilderness, a multi award-winning book filled with gorgeous color photos of the natural world and writing that will inspire you to reconnect with nature and your deepest self.IBPA Benjamin Franklin Award: Best inspirational book of the yearNational Indie Excellence Awards: Gold award for best gift book of the year National Indie Excellence Awards: Gold award for best inspirational book of the yearThe Nautilus Book Awards: Silver award for arts and photographyCIPA Awards: Second place for motivational and inspirational booksForeword INDIES Book of the Year Awards: Finalist 
"Whispers in the Wilderness explores the longing that many of us have for the natural world and suggests that it is the trailhead for a journey to wholeness. Through short daily reflections on the natural world paired with gorgeous photographs from Rocky Mountain National Park, author and photographer Erik Stensland encourages us to go deeper within ourselves and discover the healing that nature is offering.  
This audio version of Whispers in the Wilderness is accompanied by beautiful, reflective instrumental music, and nature sounds found in Rocky Mountain National Park, offering a truly meditative experience that helps you slow down and listen to the movements within." 
Whispers in the Wilderness is a book that you will treasure for many years and will want to share with family and friends. 
You can view the gallery images that are in this book at: https://www.rockytrailpress.com/gallery/whispers-audio/
    Show book
  • The Four Geniuses of the Battle of Britain - Watson-Watt Henry Royce Sydney Camm & RJ Mitchell - cover

    The Four Geniuses of the Battle...

    David Coles, Peter Sherrard

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 
    "Had it not been for the vital contributions of the four men and their inventions described in this book the Battle of Britain could not have been won by the Royal Air Force. Each of these brilliant men contributed enormously to the aircraft and equipment upon which the gallant RAF fighter pilots depended to take on and defeat the hitherto overpowering Luftwaffe during Hitlers European onslaught. Watson Watt was the moving force behind Britains vital early warning radar network that allowed Allied fighter aircraft to intercept the incoming German bomber raids. Henry Royce was the driving force throughout the development of the Merlin engine that powered both the Hurricane and Spitfire.Sydney Camm persevered with the design of the Hawker Hurricane which was to destroy more Luftwaffe bombers in the Battle than any other type. It was amazingly resilient and provided an extremely stable gun platform. Never living long enough to see the success of his beautiful Spitfire, RJ Mitchell was the designer of the only British aircraft that could outperform the Nazi Bf 109s fighters and which allowed the attacking Hurricanes a little more safety while doing their job below. This is the story of those men behind the scene of the greatest air battle in history. "
    Show book
  • Monologue - What Makes America Laugh Before Bed - cover

    Monologue - What Makes America...

    Jon Macks

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 
    Ever since Johnny Carson first popularized the late-night talk show in 1962 with The Tonight Show, the eleven p.m. to two a.m. comedy time slot on network television has remained an indelible part of our national culture. More than six popular late-night shows air every night of the week, and with recent major shake-ups in the industry, late-night television has never been more relevant to our public consciousness than it is today. Jon Macks, a veteran writer for The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, takes us behind the scenes of this world for an in-depth, colorful look at what really makes these hosts the arbiters of public opinion.From the opening monologue-what's funny, what's dangerous, what's untouchable-to the best vs. worst guests, Macks covers the landscape of late-night comedy and punctuates the narrative with hysterical personal anecdotes, shining the spotlight on some of the very best late-night jokes. With an insider's expertise and a laugh-out-loud voice, Macks explains how late-night TV redefines the news and events of any given day, reshapes public opinion, and even creates our national zeitgeist.
    Show book
  • Stupid American History - Tales of Stupidity Strangeness and Mythconceptions - cover

    Stupid American History - Tales...

    Leland Gregory

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 
    New York Times Bestseller: Welcome to the land of the free, the home of the brave—and, apparently, the dumb, bizarre, and gullible . . . Did you know that . . .  *John Tyler was on his knees playing marbles when he was informed that Benjamin Harrison had died and he was now president of the United States  *For reasons still unknown, Texas congressman Thomas Lindsay Blanton, a Presbyterian Sunday school teacher and prohibitionist, inserted dirty words into the Congressional Record in 1921—for which his colleagues officially censured him by a vote of 293-0  *Two US presidents were indentured servants—and one of them ran away and wound up with a $10 reward posted for his capture  From Columbus to George W. Bush, the bestselling coauthor of America’s Dumbest Criminals leads us through the many mythconceptions of our nation’s history in this lively book, exposing lots of entertaining moments of idiocy and inanity along the time line.
    Show book
  • Multi-Billion-Dollar Pet Food Fraud - cover

    Multi-Billion-Dollar Pet Food Fraud

    Dr. Tom Lonsdale

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 
    Based on keen observation over a lifetime of veterinary practice, Dr Tom Lonsdale gives us the tools to keep our pets healthy. The early chapters reveal essential dietary information—the foundation of good health for all species.Recounting testimonials from grateful pet owners, Tom describes the failings of modern veterinary practice. We learn how veterinary schools brainwash young vets. He helps us identify how most vets selectively disregard scientific facts as they push pet food industry propaganda costing our pets their lives and costing us $billions. Tom’s writings inspire confidence. We learn simple ways to care for our pets leading to huge savings on vet bills.Relying on rock-solid evidence, Tom presents a withering critique of the junk pet food/veterinary alliance. He helps us see through the smokescreens of misinformation and the false and misleading pet food ads. He shows how the media, government regulators and people in high places share responsibility for the multi-billion-dollar pet food fraud.
    Show book
  • Brainwashed Dummies - cover

    Brainwashed Dummies

    James M. Spears

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 
    Idiotic Audio presents Brainwashed Dummies,  by James M. Spears 
The Funniest Stories that's ever been told!
    Show book