Join us on a literary world trip!
Add this book to bookshelf
Grey
Write a new comment Default profile 50px
Grey
Subscribe to read the full book or read the first pages for free!
All characters reduced
Uncle John's New & Improved Funniest Ever - cover

Uncle John's New & Improved Funniest Ever

Institute Bathroom Readers'

Publisher: Portable Press

  • 0
  • 0
  • 0

Summary

The popular bathroom reader series is back with this collection that’s flush with laughs. It’s new, it’s improved, it’s the funniest ever! Back by popular demand, this newly revised edition includes plenty of all-time favorites, along with more than twenty-five pages of new content. That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung fu movie subtitles such as “It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So, whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at:  ·Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillowcase.  ·Witty wordplay: If Snoop Dogg were to marry Winnie-the-Pooh, his name would become Snoop Dogg Pooh.  ·Flubbed headlines: “British Left Waffles On House Floor”   ·Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room.  ·Job lingo: If you hear an ER doc mention a “VIP,” be on the lookout for a “very intoxicated patient.”  ·Sputtering sportscasters: “If only faces could talk.” —Pat Summerall And much, much more
Available since: 07/17/2018.
Print length: 288 pages.

Other books that might interest you

  • Light Side of a "Dismal Science" - cover

    Light Side of a "Dismal Science"

    PBS NewsHour

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
    Economics isn't exactly a side-splitting discipline, but at a recent economics convention in Atlanta, self-proclaimed "stand-up economist" Yoram Bauman showed it's possible to infuse the sober science with monetary mirth.
    Show book
  • Cargo Liners - An Illustrated History - cover

    Cargo Liners - An Illustrated...

    Ambrose Greenway

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
    The British maritime historian explores the golden age of cargo liners and the routes they took around the world in this beautifully illustrated volume. From 1850 to 1950, the cargo liner grew to dominate the world’s trade routes, providing regular services that merchants, shippers and importers could rely on. They carried much of the world’s high-value goods and their services spread to most corners of the world. They were the tool of the world’s first phase of globalization. Illustrated with more than 300 photographs, Cargo Liners tells the story of these majestic ships, beginning with the establishment of routes around Europe and across the North Atlantic in the 1850s. When marine engineer Alfred Holt developed high-pressure compound engines, vessels began to steam further afield, reaching ports in the Far East and Australia. Then the opening of the Suez Canal in 1869 cemented the dominance of the cargo liner. Only with the appearance of the first container ship in the 1950s was that dominance finally overthrown.
    Show book
  • The Atlantic Wall - History and Guide - cover

    The Atlantic Wall - History and...

    H. W. Kaufmann, J. E. Kaufmann,...

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
    This WWII history and visitor’s guide explores the extensive network of Nazi fortifications built to defend Fortress Europe. Hitler's Atlantic Wall, the complex system of coastal fortifications that stretched from Norway to the Spanish border during the Second World War, was built to defend occupied Europe from Allied invasion. Many of its principal structures survive and can be visited today. This authoritative guide provides both practical information for visitors and essential historical context. The wall, which was constructed on a massive scale between 1942 and 1944 by German engineers, forced laborers and troops, consisted of strong points, artillery casemates, bunkers, troop shelters, minefields, anti-tank and anti-boat obstacles. It also included the concrete U-boat and E-boat pens in the key ports and, behind the Channel coast, the V-weapon sites. This huge scheme of fortifications was one of the longest series of defensive lines in military history. This comprehensive volume takes readers and visitors through the entire story of the fortifications from the fall of France to the D-Day invasion on the beaches of Normandy that finally broke through. As a guide to some of the most impressive relics of the Second World War, this book is essential reading for travelers or anyone interested in the liberation of occupied Europe.
    Show book
  • What Is a Dog? - A Memoir - cover

    What Is a Dog? - A Memoir

    Chloe Shaw

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
    On the heels of her family’s beloved dog’s death, one woman returns to the canines of her past in order to imagine the human she hopes to become in the future in her memoir, What Is a Dog?Chloe Shaw is in a dog house of her own choosing. A married mother with kids, the death of Booker, her children’s eldest family pet, has left her reeling and reckoning with her lifelong relationship with dogs. Unable to shake the feeling a year later, she asks her family for some time alone to be with nothing but her thoughts and remaining canines, Safari and Otter—only to find the dogs of her past pawing at her every memory and running, sticks in mouths, back into her life.What follows is a meditation on one woman’s life through the dogs she's loved and lost. Since she was a child, Shaw had learned to escape the hardest parts of being human by immersing herself in the lives of her canine companions, an adaptive attachment that carried her to adulthood. Yet, in marriage and motherhood, Shaw finds herself facing her most human struggles yet. Her old ways of “being the dog” in the face of hardship prove destructive, and it’s not until she’s able to love herself and learn from the dogs of her past and present that can she truly thrive as a person, and show up for the family who needs her to be their person.With artful prose and a philosophical touch, Shaw takes us on an emotional journey anyone who has ever loved and lost a dog will connect with—and discovers dogs do more than just make our lives better—they quietly (and sometimes loudly) pull us boldly toward the person we were always meant to be.A Macmillan Audio production from Flatiron Books"This poignant and gracefully written memoir amply embraces the complexities of the human-dog relationship in a uniquely personal way, and it’s also a moving story of self-acceptance."--Kirkus"an elegant memoir... a heart-rending and heartwarming tale that will resonate with just about any mom out there." --Washington Post
    Show book
  • Amazing Dogs - Stories of Brilliance Loyalty Courage & Extraordinary Feats - cover

    Amazing Dogs - Stories of...

    Lisa Wojna

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
    Our best friends. They can be pets or working dogs; they race for sticks and balls or find survivors of disasters, and they are the subjects of some of the most amazing and touching stories:
    		
    		Employees of the Albany post office adopted a stray puppy named Owney, and in his life he traveled hundreds of thousands of miles with the mail to places around the world
    		John Dignard, victim of a brain injury, introduced the concept of memory dogs by training a German shepherd help him
    		Rescue dogs working 9/11 found a few survivors, but the remains they uncovered provided closure for grieving families
    		Times were tough for Jude Stringfellow, but a bipedal puppy named Faith taught her to hope again
    		The Sica family’s golden retriever, Bullet, saved their three-week-old son from certain death from an undiagnosed heart condition
    		Stubby, a mongrel boxer mutt, became a hero on the front lines when his frenetic barking alerted sleeping soldiers to poisonous gas
    		Skippy, a hearing-ear dog, has given Kerena Marchant a taste of what freedom really means
    		Blue heeler cross Skidboot has made appearances on Jay Leno, Oprah and the Late Show with David Letterman to perform his amazing tricks
    		And so many more heartwarming stories.
    Show book
  • The Takeover - cover

    The Takeover

    Cara Tanamachi

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
    On Nami’s thirtieth birthday, she’s reminded at every turn that her life isn’t what she’d planned. She’s always excelled at everything—until now. Her fiancé blew up their engagement. Her pride and joy, the tech company she helped to found, is about to lose funding. And her sister, Sora, is getting married to the man of her dreams, Jack—and instead of being happy for her, as Nami knows she ought to be, she’s fighting off jealousy.Frustrated with her life, she makes a wish on a birthday candle to find her soulmate. Instead the universe delivers her hate mate, Nami’s old nemesis, Jae Lee, the most popular kid from her high school, who also narrowly beat her out for valedictorian. More than a decade later, Jae is still as effortlessly cool, charming, and stylish as ever, and, to make matters worse, he’s planning a hostile takeover of her start-up. Cue sharp elbows and even sharper banter as the two go head-to-head to see who’ll win this time. But when their rivalry ignites a different kind of passion, Nami starts to realize it’s not just her company that’s in danger of being taken over, but her heart as well.
    Show book