50 Things Not to Do after 50 - From Naming Your Pets after Tolkien Characters to Signaling "Peace Out" to Your Friends

Leland Gregory

Summary

The rules change at 50! The New York Times–bestselling author and former SNL writer offers advice on living this stage of life with your dignity intact.   If you or someone you know has just turned fifty, it’s time to accept that the rules of life have changed, and that fifty is not the new thirty for most of us. Leland Gregory understands the forgetful minds, sagging bodies, and flagging pride of his fellow middle-agers, and in 50 Things Not to Do after 50, he offers helpful—and hilarious—advice for combating the humiliations this stage of life can bring.   In this lighthearted and sometimes painfully on-target book, you’ll learn that what we used to do in our twenties, thirties, and forties should be avoided at all costs from now on. For example, regardless of gender, under no circumstances should you ever . . .  Attempt to wear leather pantsStart a story that involves a lot of names—you’ll forget most of them before the story is overStalk your high school sweetheart on Facebook; the person you had the hots for in 10th grade probably isn’t so hot anymoreGet drunk in Pamplona and decide to run with the bullsVolunteer to be a drug muleSay things like “fo’shizzle,” “whatev,” or “cray-cray”. . . And do we really need to mention thongs, Speedos, or jeggings?  Leland Gregory, the New York Times–bestselling author of Stupid American History and America’s Dumbest Criminals, has been praised by Katie Couric as the “chronicler of Stupid America.”

Available since: 02/10/2015.

Print length: 156 pages.

Humor

Other books that might interest you

Wit and Wisdom of Chesterton

G.K. Chesterton

This little volume, issued as a gift book for lovers of Mr. Chesterton's writings in 1911, is made up from essays to be found in "The Defandant", "Varied Types" and "Tremendous Trifles". These 12 pieces were chosen to giving a peek into the margins of Chesterton's work and give a sense of the distinctive flavor of his mind. They were also chosen with an eye to showing what a complex and fascinating character he was. (Summary by Phil chenevert)

Show book

Laurel & Hardy - Chiller...

Larry Harmon

Laurel and Hardy were a British-American comedy duo act during the early era of American cinema, consisting of Englishman Stan Laurel (1890–1965) and American Oliver Hardy (1892–1957). Starting their career as a duo in the silent film era, they later successfully transitioned to "talkies.” From the late 1920s to the mid-1950s, they were internationally famous for their slapstick comedy, with Laurel playing the clumsy, childlike friend to Hardy's pompous bully.

Show book

Any Last Words? - Deathbed...

Joseph Hayden

A lighthearted look at the stories behind legendary last words—from heartwarming tales of final moments to hilarious last laughs. 
 
Last words are never easy—since, let’s face it, they’re mostly spoken by people in the worst health of their lives. But even if they aren’t eloquent, they can offer a glimpse into the speaker’s true self. Some are clever, others are loving, heartbreaking, or occasionally shocking. In Any Last Words?, Joseph Hayden explores the last words of more than two hundred actors, athletes, writers, musicians, politicians, intellectuals, criminals, and more. 
 
What was the last thing Bogart said to Bacall? What did Marie Antoinette say to her executioner? What were the final thoughts of great thinkers like Charles Darwin and Marie Curie? Or baseball legends like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle? Joseph Hayden reveals all these stories and much more in a book that you’ll wish would never end.

Show book

Inspector Hobbes and the Bones -...

Wilkie Martin

There's going to be trouble. Andy Caplet's wife goes away, someone is out to get him, and he loses nearly everything in a storm. Amazing both himself and his unhuman friend Inspector Hobbes, he heroically rescues flood victims and uncovers something shocking. Is Andy being set up for blackmail by the apparently charming young woman who attempts to seduce him, or is something even more sinister afoot? Hobbes certainly believes so, and he's getting worried. This is the fourth in Wilkie Martin's unhuman series of cosy comedy crime fantasies. 
Tim Campbell was a nominee for a VoiceArts Award 2018 for his narration of the Inspector Hobbes and the Bones audiobook. Listen now. 
Praise for Wilkie Martin 
'odd, inventive, and genuinely very funny indeed' Katie Jarvis, Cotswold Life  
'I enjoy how silly everything is.' Jo Ann Hakola, The Book Faerie 
Praise for Tim Campbell 
Winner of Independent Audiobook Awards 2019 (Fantasy)

Show book

Tales of a Slightly Off Supermom...

Deb DiSandro

Humor essays from a radio host and syndicated columnist who is the “Erma Bombeck for a whole new generation of frazzled moms and dads” (Amy Carr, Daily Herald). Disguised as an average soccer mom, she’s faster than a speeding toddler, more powerful than a teenage temper tantrum, and able to leap loads of laundry in a single bound! Deb DiSandro is here to save the day. Her hilarious, heartfelt essays on the ages and stages of motherhood are sure to help families everywhere see the humor in their own foibles. From bringing home the new baby to dog training and the thermostat wars, Supermom has seen it all. She has negotiated peace over paint finishes, she has overthrown the powerful regime of the kitchen gadgets, and she has even pinned down the elusive wild teenager in the farthest reaches of suburban malls. But this mom is slightly off: she finds humor in her teenager’s unintelligible mumbling, in the dog’s flagrant disobedience, and in her husband’s merciless drive for the perfect dimmer switch. “Deb DiSandro is not slightly off—she is straight on target. Her essays bubble with wit, freshness, and ever-so-real life.” —Jacquelyn Mitchard, #1 New York Times–bestselling author of The Deep End of the Ocean “Anyone thinking of committing to parenthood needs to read Deb DiSandro. Her humor and wisdom on the subject of child-raising may help you appreciate the many advantages of getting a Yorkie instead.” —D. L. Stewart, author of Paternity Ward “Deb DiSandro’s instincts about family life are sound and her perspective refreshing.” —William H. Doherty, author of Putting Family First

Show book

Choice Spirits

W. Jacobs

When a mutinous spirit breaks out among the crew of the schooner, the Captain and Mate cannot comprehend the cause. As the sailors one by one refuse to eat the rotting food the Skipper has supplied, he decides to make an example of the cabin boy. 


The crew come up with an ingenious plan to change the Skipper's mind and release the stocks of fresh meat and butter. They decide to fake the death by suicide of the cabin boy... but things do not turn out quite as they had hoped. 


Hilarious!

Show book