Uncle John's New & Improved Funniest Ever

Institute Bathroom Readers'

Summary

The popular bathroom reader series is back with this collection that’s flush with laughs. It’s new, it’s improved, it’s the funniest ever! Back by popular demand, this newly revised edition includes plenty of all-time favorites, along with more than twenty-five pages of new content. That’s page after page after page of laugh-out-loud dumb jokes, dumb jocks, toasts, pranks, kings, kittens, caboodles, and, of course, poorly translated kung fu movie subtitles such as “It took my seven digestive pills to dissolve your hairy crab!” So, whether you like your humor witty or witless, light or dark, silly or sublime, you’ll laugh until your head explodes. Chortle at:  ·Dumb crooks: The robber who ran face-first into a wall because he forgot to poke eye holes in his pillowcase.  ·Witty wordplay: If Snoop Dogg were to marry Winnie-the-Pooh, his name would become Snoop Dogg Pooh.  ·Flubbed headlines: “British Left Waffles On House Floor”   ·Quirky stars: Billy Idol’s concert rider demands he have one large tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter in his dressing room.  ·Job lingo: If you hear an ER doc mention a “VIP,” be on the lookout for a “very intoxicated patient.”  ·Sputtering sportscasters: “If only faces could talk.” —Pat Summerall And much, much more

Available since: 07/17/2018.

Print length: 288 pages.

Other books that might interest you

Crazy Busy Guilty - wickedly...

Lauren Sams

‘Lauren Sams is the hilarious best friend you haven’t met yet’ Maggie Alderson
There’s life Before Baby and life After Baby. Any idiot knows that. I knew that. Except I didn’t know what life After Baby would really be like…
Georgie Henderson is discovering that in the twenty-first century being a Good Working Mum means answering emails at midnight while you purée vegetables, line up play dates and French lessons for your four-month-old daughter.
Georgie’s ex, Jase, gets 100 per cent of the credit for 5 per cent of the work, and her best friend, Nina, is on a ‘self-discovery’ journey that involves a young bartender and a plan to become an artisanal florist. And all her mum wants is for her to find a man. Preferably the one who is the father of her child. And Georgie? She just wants a nap, which she's quickly discovering is harder to come by than nuts at a preschool.
What Reviewers and Readers Say:
‘Crazy Busy Guilty is instantly relatable! Whose life isn’t crazy and busy? And guilt is an occupational hazard of being a mum’ Jessica Rowe
'I laughed at Georgie, and I laughed at myself. I laughed at all of us who somehow manage to get so much done in between childcare pickups and daytime baby naps' Women's Agenda
'The perfect read for a sleep-deprived new mum... With plenty of humour and relatable moments, it delves into society’s expectations of the modern mum' Chicklit Club
'It is highly relatable, insightful and filled with moments of humour as well as of horror. Sams has done a fantastic job of highlighting some of the issues faced by working mothers and included quite the surprise twist in the last couple of chapters' Beauty and Lace
'Hilariously funny and wickedly insightful, Crazy Busy Guilty is a fast-moving novel about the pitfalls of juggling a dream career with parenting, and the perils of modern dating... While they’re much-discussed issues, Sams’ take is fresh and funny and hits right at the heart of the the struggle, with hilarious one-liners and up-to-the-minute observations' Better Reading

Show book

Fifty Places to Run Before You...

Chris Santella

A breathtaking guide to the world’s fifty best places to run, as chosen by experts who’ve been there. 
 
The beautiful thing about running is that all you need is a trusty pair of shoes and a little determination. When you can practice a sport almost anywhere, from your own neighborhood to courses across the world, where do you begin? In Fifty Places to Run Before You Die, Chris Santella gathers fifty bucket list recommendations from some of the running world’s most accomplished leaders and athletes, including ultra-runner and record breaker Jim Walmsley; Runner’s World chief running officer Bart Yasso; NPR star Peter Sagal; race director of the Boston Marathon Dave McGillivray; U.S. Olympian Magdalena Lewy Boulet; and internationally recognized endurance athlete Dean Karnazes. 
 
Featuring a mix of popular foot races (such as marathons, 10Ks, and endurance runs) and scenic trails off the beaten path, this book divulges what makes each venue unique, offering firsthand anecdotes and practical advice for those who aspire to run there. Discover incredible events and trails both national and international, including the Ultra-Trail du Mont-Blanc in France, the New York City Marathon, the Vancouver Sun Run, the Grand Canyon, the Dolomites in Italy, and the Great Ocean Road Marathon in Australia. Fifty Places to Run Before You Die is the essential travel companion for runners of all levels who seek to conquer new terrain while breaking personal records.

Show book

Classic Mountain Scrambles in...

Andrew Dempster

Scrambling is the highly popular pursuit which combines the freedom enjoyed by the hillwalker with the more immediate excitement of the rock climber. An essential guide to the best scrambling in Scotland, this book covers both the mainland and the inner hebrides, and is suitable for scramblers of all skill levels, from complete beginner to seasoned enthusiasts.
This comprehensive guide contains:
Maps and images for each scramble, as well as instructions for OS maps.An introduction to the art of scrambling, and to all equipment that may be necessary.Routes for all scrambles, and easy to follow grading and quality ratings, enabling the reader to pick a scramble for any ability level. Scrambles include mountain routes such as Aonach Eagach and the Cuillin Ridge, as well as the lesser known Northern Pinnacles of Liathach.

Show book

Gondola

Donna Leon

The international bestselling author delivers “a delightful look at the gondola as cultural icon, marvel of construction and object of romance and mystery” (Judith Malafronte, Opera News). 
 
Of all the trademarks of Venice—and there are many, from the gilded Basilica of San Marco to the melancholy Bridge of Sighs—none is more ubiquitous than the gondola. In Gondola, the acclaimed “American with the Venetian heart,” tells the fascinating story of this famous boat, complete with gorgeous full-color illustrations (The Washington Post). 
 
First used in medieval Venice as a deftly maneuverable getaway boat, the gondola evolved over the centuries into a floating pleasure palace, bedecked in silk, that facilitated the romantic escapades of the Venetian elite. Sumptuary laws turned it black—a gleaming, elegant hue for a boat manned by robust gondolieri in their iconic black-and-white-striped shirts and straw hats. 
 
Each boat is carefully fashioned in a maestro’s workshop—though Leon also recounts a tale of an American friend who attempted to make a gondola all on his own. Once its arched prow pushes off from the dock, the single Venetian at its oar just might break out in a barcarole, the popular songs sung by gondolieri.  
 
Please note this ebook edition does not include audio recordings.

Show book

Stitch Craft Create: Cake...

Various Various

Want to try your hand at making gorgeous homemade goodies? These brilliant quick & easy cake decorating projects give you the opportunity to try something new and expand your crafting skills! From beautiful biscuits to floral cupcakes, festive treats to celebratory cakes designs, create stunning items for yourself, your friends and your home.Each unique project includes:Simple step-by-step instructionsQuick makes for fast resultsBeautiful photography of the finished product to guide and inspire

Show book

Cat Vs Human

Yasmine Surovec

Yasmine Surovec began sketching her clever and sarcastic Cat Versus Human cartoons as a way to relax and unwind. Soon, her popular blog at catversushuman.blogspot.com began receiving as many as 12,000 hits per day, with a number of posts going viral and appearing on popular Web sites such as The Huffington Post and I Can Has Cheezburger. Now, a selection of 100 Cat Versus Human strips—many never previously published—can be found inside this inaugural collection of Cat Versus Human.  Proud owners of Felis domesticus will instantly recognize Surovec's keen insights into cat behavior and all of the characteristic intricacies of the cat-human relationship, such as the allure of an empty cardboard box trumping an expensive battery-operated toy or how a cat's favorite nap spot might as easily be inside a litter box, on top of clean laundry, or directly on top of a human face. Cat Versus Human also encourages an affectionate look at your once-was-in-mint-condition midcentury modern sofa that is now being unstuffed one cat claw at a time.

Show book