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  5000 Great One Liners

  Grant Tucker

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  My mate told me that I just don't understand irony.
  Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.
  
  
  A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  
  
  An onion just told me a joke.
  I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
  
  
  A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'
  
  
  I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub.
  He seemed like a decent feller.
  
  
  I'll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?'
  
  
  
  
  Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen's clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you'll ever need - and a whole lot more.

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  The Men Can't Be Saved

  Ben Purkert

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  A knockout debut novel that tackles a haunting question: What do our jobs do to our souls?Seth is a junior copywriter whose latest tagline just went viral. He’s the agency’s hottest new star, or at least he wants his coworker crush to think so. But while he’s busy drooling over his future corner office, the walls crumble around him.When his job lets him go, he can’t let go of his job. Thankfully, one former colleague can’t let him go either: Robert “Moon” McCloone, a skeezy on-the-rise exec better suited to a frat house than a boardroom. Seth tries to forget Moon and rediscover his spiritual self; he studies Kabbalah with an Orthodox rabbi by day while popping illegal prescription pills by night. But with each misstep, Seth strays further from salvation—though he might get there, if he could only get out of his own way. In his debut novel, Ben Purkert incisively peels back the layers of the male ego, revealing what’s rotten and what might be redeemed. Brimming with wit, irreverence, and soul-searching, The Men Can’t Be Saved is a startlingly original examination of work, sex, addiction, religion, branding, and ourselves.

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  Essays

  Jerome K.

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  Jerome K. Jerome is of course known for the hilarious adventures of "Three Men in a Boat". He also wrote many short stories and essays that have all the wit, whimsy and wisdom of his more famous work. The essays in this volume were published together with "The Diary of a Pilgrimage" in 1891. They are:"Evergreens""Clocks""Tea-Kettles""A Pathetic Story""The New Utopia""Dreams"

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  Three Men In A Boat

  Jerome K.

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  The world has been very kind to this book. I have written books that have appeared to be more clever, books that have appeared to be more humorous, but it is as the author of Three Men In A Boat (To Say Nothing Of The Dog) that the public persists in remembering me. Certain critics used to suggest that it was the vulgarity of the book, its entire absence of humour, that accounted for its success with the people. But one feels by this time that such a suggestion does not solve the riddle. Bad art may succeed for a time and with a limited public. It does not go on extending its circle for nearly half a century. I have come to the conclusion, be the explanation what it may, I can take credit to myself for having written this book. That is, if I did write it, for really I hardly remember doing so. I remember only feeling very young and absurdly pleased with myself, for reasons that concern only myself. It was summertime, and London is so beautiful in summer. It lay beneath my window, a fairy city veiled in golden mist, for, I worked in a room high above the chimney pots, and at night the lights shone far beneath me, so that I looked down as into an Aladdin’s cave of jewels. It was during those summer months I wrote this book. It seemed the only thing to do – JEROME K JEROME - An early life of poverty exacerbated by the death of his parents in his early teens helped to cruelly mould the young Jerome. After early stints on the railways, as an actor, a journalist, a school teacher, a writer and a solicitors clerk he had some minor success with a collection of comic memoirs “On The Stage – And Off” about his earlier stint as an actor. Shortly thereafter he married and his honeymoon on the Thames became the inspiration for Three Men In A Boat. This of course was a wild success both critically and commercially and also his creative highpoint. Although he was now able to write full time he was never able to attain all the heights of that classic humorous novel. These stories are brought to your ears by Hubert Gregg.

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  Get a F*cking Grip - How to Get...

  Matthew Kimberley

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  - You know the key to having more energy has nothing to do with crystals and chakras... and everything to do with how much sleep you get.- You know that neglecting your friends will leave you destitute and lonely... but you're still too damn lazy to pick up your phone and get in touch.- You know you could get through your to-do list in half the time... yet you're still stalking your ex on Facebook.- You know you just need a kick up the backside... and that's what you'll find within the pages of this book.Get A F*cking Grip is the self-help book for people who hate self-help, offering simple no-nonsense advice that you can implement into all areas of your life, allowing you to get on with everything you've always wanted to do. Learning how to get a f*cking grip is the key to taking back control of your life.

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  Actin' Really Stupid Showing Out...

  James Spears

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  Some stories that'll keep you laughing, sniggling and giggling all day long!

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