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  The Bell Pepper

  Sherman T. Hancock

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  All dick is not the same! Some are long, and some are short. Some are skinny, some are girthy, some curve, and some have extra skin covering the head. I can repeatedly list countless differences we hear about through comedians, influencers, personalities, and radio and talk show hosts. You see women discussing it on various platforms, laughing to their heart’s content with their fellow sisters, and we, as men, accept this fact and what it means when it comes to our sex, but what about the reverse?  
  It seems no one talks about the different things that make up “good poon.” I mean, yes, there is the “smelly poon” remark that gets thrown around, and now and again, you’ll hear things about a “deep, loose poon” or a “roast beef poon,” but is that all it comes down to? Are you suddenly in the top 1% if you do not subscribe to those phrases?  
  I’m here to tell you no. Just like women, men too have talked about the size, the shape, the inside, and many more aspects that all go into what we consider to be “good poom poom,” and we’ve discussed it at length, behind closed doors, details of the feminine parts that never make its way to the town square. No man is loud enough, bold enough, or cares enough to sing the song of the thing that eats the thong, but I, Sherman T. Hancock, have sung!  
  So, I present to you the Opera of the Bell. Pull the feet of this book close to the edge of the bed, open its legs, lick your fingers and turn the pages, move that leaf to the side, and stick your face in it. I promise you will not stop reading until you have entirely uncovered the secrets hidden deep within this paprika in a bottle, pimento in a bowl, cum inside this capsicum, and discover the Bell Pepper. 

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  Satan's Advice for the New...

  Aleister Lovecraft

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  Becoming a new parent is overwhelming. 
  Your life is changed forever. Every choice you make for your new baby will have lasting, possibly life-long consequences. Parenting advice is tossed your way from all sides, but who should you trust? 
  The most trustworthy source might surprise you: Satan. 
  Based on Satan's observations and interactions with humanity over the course of millennia, Satan's Advice for the New Parent is a concise parenting manual, ideal for the sleep-deprived new parent. 
  Topics covered include:the one thing you need to know to be a successful parent,infant sleeping habits,feeding,how to deal with illness,discipline,how to tell if your child is evil,and more. 
  Satan's Advice for the New Parent is Book 2 in the Satan's Guides to Life series and is a perfect gift for new parents and parents-to-be.

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  Rally Round The Flag Boys!

  Max Shulman

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  Harry Bannerman drinks his nightly bourbon on the train from New York City to Putnam's Landing, Connecticut. A typical commuter, he has a bald spot, a house, two mortgages, three children, and a wife who is a committed soccer mom and pillar of the community. 
   
   
    
  Second Lt. Guido di Maggio loves baseball less than his last name implies and his fiancée, Maggie Larkin, more than the army allows. College sweethearts, the couple has their future all mapped out: Guido will complete his military service in Maryland while Maggie starts her teaching career in Putnam's Landing. But when Guido is reassigned to Alaska and Maggie loses her job for giving a sex talk to second graders, their plans go up in smoke. 
   
   
    
  To avoid Alaska and save his relationship with Maggie, Guido takes the thankless job directing public relations at a new anti-aircraft base in Putnam's Landing. What happens next in this national bestseller is a dark and funny story of the disaffected and disconnected in Cold War suburbia as tensions mount between the "invading" army and a bevy of local teenagers; between frustrated commuters and their frustrated wives; between social do-gooders and Yankee conservatives; and between romantic dreams of the artist's life in New York and the pedestrian reality of having to earn a living to house and feed a growing family.

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  We're All in This Together - So...

  Tom Papa

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  This program is read by the author."In 37 short essays comedian Tom Papa reminds listeners that life's absurdities are here to stay and that everyone is doing the best they can. His tone and delivery are comforting, heartwarming, even therapeutic."- AudioFile Stand-up is all well and good, but observational humor that’s funny and warm may work best in books.  And Tom Papa, whose loyal audiences are packed with “date night” couples of all ages, has perfected the form. In We're All In This Together, Papa’s thirty-seven short essays tackle these universal American topics, among others:–Love for Your First Car (“To Buy or Lease”)–The Truth about Personal Hygiene (“How You Know When It’s Time to Go”)–Date Nights (“Will You Go Out with Me?”)–Unfamiliar Hotel Rooms (“Why Nothing Works”)–Pets (“Cats–Ancient Menace”)–Drinking (“There’s no Cure for a Hangover”)–Ducking your Family, even Though you Love Them (“The Lesson of Mark Twain’s Cigars”)Tom Papa’s books make readers laugh, but–crucially–feel better about themselves while doing it.  And while there’s thematic overlap with Papa’s stand-up, with a couple of exceptions, all the writing here is fresh for our book.A Macmillan Audio production from St. Martin’s Press.

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  Bad Seeds The: The serial killer...

  C.J. Skuse

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  Liked the Sweetpea TV series on Sky Atlantic? You'll love the books… 
  ‘This isn’t a book for the squeamish or the faint-hearted … think Bridget Jones meets American Psycho’ Red 
  🪓 
  Sweetpea is coming home at last… 
  Newly married, with a loving family surrounding her, everything's coming up roses for ex-serial killer Rhiannon Lewis, right? 
  Wrong. 
  Her husband has just been shot, and the daughter she left behind in the UK is desperately ill. She’s got no choice but to flee the States and return home, back to her roots, where she’s in danger of being recognised and arrested at any moment. 
  Only nothing is quite as it seems… 
  With a series of bad choices in front of her, and the authorities right behind, Rhiannon's in a hell of a hole and she needs to dig herself out of it pronto. But help can come from the most unlikely places. And even more unlikely people…Readers love the Sweetpea series! 
  ‘Visceral, chilling and absolutely downright thrilling: I wish I had read it sooner!’ Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 
  ‘Wickedly funny’ Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ 
  ‘Brilliantly dark and twisted’ Reader review ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Praise for CJ Skuse: 
  ‘This darkly comic novel… has the potential to become a cult classic’ Daily Mail 
  ‘Dark, depraved and devilishly delicious. A full throttle savage and satirical thriller’ John Marrs 
  ‘Hilarious, refreshing, dark and memorable. It doesn’t disappoint, I loved it’ Phoebe Morgan 
  Rhiannon Lewis, the protagonist of one of the top psychological thrillers, finds herself in a whirlwind of domestic chaos and crime fiction-like scenarios. Her humorous approach to life, laced with black humour, adds a unique flavour to her thrilling journey. 
  For fans of Freida Mcfadden (The Tenant), L.M. Chilton (Everyone in the Group Chat Dies), John Marrs (When You Disappeared), Sarah Bonner (Her Sweet Revenge), and C. J. Tudor (The Chalk Man). 
  HarperCollins 2024

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  Tales of Whimsy Verses of Woe

  Tim DeRoche

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  If your moral character is flimsyOr your wit be rather slow,Oh dare not read these tales of whimsyFor often do they end in woe.Tales of Whimsy, Verses of Woe is quite possibly the most dangerous book of poetry ever written. Do you dare? It’s so good it will make you sneeze. What becomes of a girl who absolutely detests the color green? What about a king who joins a punk band? And the little boy who calls up God on the telephone? Monsters, bears, wizards, and talking vegetables?This book has something for everyone. Winner of the prestigious Baldersquash Medal, which honors the very best in highfalutin nonsense.Tim DeRoche and Daniel González, author and illustrator of the best-selling Ballad of Huck & Miguel, return with a book of verse that will delight anyone who loves Lemony Snicket or Shel Silverstein.

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