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  Suki’s Degradation: A Naive...

  J.C. Cummings

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  No one ever said that Dave Simon, Dean of Admissions at Cherryville University, was ethical. No one ever said he wasn’t a hardcore pervert either. Well, into his office has just stepped the sweetest, most beautiful, and sexy exchange student he ever saw!
   
  Now, what in the world is a man with Dave Simon’s sexual hunger supposed to do? After all, he can’t just let a cutie like that walk away after her interview is over. Between her sweet face, trusting eyes, and maddeningly perky body, Suki Fukushima is arousing him like no one ever has!
   
  And on top of that, he can plainly see that, in addition to being sweet, beautiful, and shapely, she is also the most naïve young lady he’s ever met.
   
  Now his wheels are turning!
   
  Dave immediately conjures up a banquet of baloney—telling her that it is customary for all incoming students to be inspected (by him, of course) in order to make sure she isn’t carrying any contraband or diseases onto campus.
   
  Naturally, this will require that this nervous, unsuspecting little thing take off all her clothes and submit to a very thorough and intimate cavity search / medical examination.
   
  And naturally, Dave and his audacious hands are having the time of their lives as Suki is ordered to assume no small number of humiliating positions throughout her bogus inspection.
   
  And even after all that—even after she is left shaking, red-faced, and overwhelmed—Dave then informs her that, since she is a sexual novice, she is sure to be a distraction to all the red-blooded young males on campus, not to mention a danger to herself.
   
  But, not to worry, Dave’s dirty and creative mind have the solution to that little problem all figured out. And all it will take is to find some randy college stud willing to help her out of her predicament!

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  The Black Dress

  Deborah Moggach

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  “A darkly funny novel about betrayal, loneliness and the surprising pleasure of being single again” from the author of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (Good Housekeeping). At sixty-nine years old, Pru has found herself alone for the first time in her life. Her grown children are out of the house, and her husband, Greg, has filed for divorce. She attributes Greg’s betrayal to a cancer scare and a more-than-midlife crisis, but that doesn’t make her feel any better—or less lonely. It seems that nothing—not even her eccentric, free-spirited best friend, Azra—can pull her out of her depression. Until Pru sees a black dress in a thrift store window . . . Its sleek silhouette calls to mind long-gone days of cocktail parties and sophisticated conversation. And it gives Pru a brilliant idea: where better to wear a black dress—and find age-appropriate single men—than at a funeral? As Pru combs through the obituaries and attends masses and wakes, she finds comfort among the bereaved. After all, they’re all grieving someone they have lost. But Pru’s about to discover that though her new dating plan may get her out of the house and back on the market, the life she’s so desperately trying to leave behind isn’t done with her yet . . . “With dry wit and observation, Moggach tackles the perils of ageing with brutal honesty.” —Daily Express “This page-turner is like the best wakes, it will make you feel hungry and alive.” —The Times (London) “As ever with Moggach, the joy is in her witty observations of middle-class life and bracingly tart portrayal of family relationships.” —Daily Mail

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  Instant Ancestors

  Russell Shuler

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  As fortune would have it, you have just stumbled across an off-the-leash, unbridled small compendium of outrageous stories called “Instant Ancestors.” Thanks to the lop-sided imagination of author Russell Shuler, you’ll meet a cast of characters, complete with a fabulous portrait (and subtle story clues contained therein), caught in every conceivable slant of shenanigan and predicament.Stick your toe in, and you’ll experience “the long hard stare” of Cletus McHaggis as he faces off with the “devastating beauty” of twins Ismerelda and Desdomena, circling one another in an ancient game of “dupe and roll.” You’ll follow the conjurings of Gloriah Jellylooloo, the “Memory Catalyst,” who brings cinema to events thought to be long buried and those yet to occur. Observe Smabdolem Ik as he encounters a troop of dwarf strippers with a dark side. And try to stay abreast with the show-stopping ideas of exotic fan dancer Izzy Ibrahim and her creative partner (and son) Shelley. All this flabbergastery, and more, is now available between the covers of “Instant Ancestors.”The Genesis of Instant AncestorsIt’s been said many times that you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your relatives. I believed that to be true until, not long ago, I came across a shoe box crammed with family portraits taken roughly a hundred years ago in a favorite antique store. The stall proprietor included an index card with the scribbled broadside: “Instant Ancestors!” It went on to say that with these pictures, you could conjure up a long-lost relative from God knows where famous for such and such, and no one would be wiser. To be truthful, the idea appealed to my lop-sided, passionate sense of humor, so I bought the box of photographs and began imagining the personal chronicles of these precious folks who had been relegated to the dustbin of history.

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  When to sue a person? How to...

  BARAKATH

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  Fictional hilarious audiobook suggesting when to sue and how to prevent monkey pox. 
  Enjoy listening!

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  All Toddlers Are Scorpios - An...

  Johanna Gohmann

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  In the spirit of There Are Moms Way Worse Than You, Go the F**k to Sleep, and Darth Vader and Son, humor writer Johanna Gohmann channels the chaos and charm of life with a toddler into this hilarious astrology guide.  Parenting can be one of the most magical, hilarious, and maddening experiences known to humankind. One minute your little wonder is blowing you kisses, the next they’re licking the neighbor’s car. This book is for every parent who has ever felt like they’ve slipped through the space-time continuum while waiting for a small child to put on their shoes, or for the caregiver who can’t believe the heart-crushing love they feel for someone who just threw yogurt in their face. This is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with someone who cackles when you break your toe and insists on wearing oven mitts to bed.Blending parental exasperation with cosmic insight, Gohmann breaks down toddler personalities by zodiac sign—offering a starry-eyed (and slightly frazzled) look at the joys and mysteries of raising tiny humans. The profiles of each zodiac sign include sections dedicated to best (and worst!) toddler playdate matches; toddler's preferred music, snacks, and toys; parent-child zodiac compatibility; and hilarious illustrations throughout from cartoonist Emily Flake. Whether you are raising a tenacious Taurus, a balanced Libra, or, yes, a hell-raising Scorpio, this is a book that lets parents laugh at the sheer insanity of sharing their home with a tiny terror.

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  You Forgot to Mention - Tips for...

  Tiffany Parker

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  Prepare for the unexpected! This book is a fun and essential tool for new and expecting parents who need tips and tricks on all things baby.  
   
  Covering every aspect of pregnancy and newborns, You Forgot to Mention gives advice on topics family and friends may “forget to mention” to expecting parents. From projectile vomiting to uterine massages to nipple creams, readers can count on this book to live up to its title. Advice on baby clothing, stimulating labor, and C-sections will have readers taking notes, and laughing as they do, as they prepare for their new baby to come home.

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