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  How To Burn This Book

  Evan Witmer

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  Step one of burning a book is finding a disagreeable premise within. To simplify this process, each story is followed by a reason it should be immolated, opined by the author’s critics. 
  "Lucky Girl Noir" is about a cop solving the murder of a ‘Lucky Girl,’ a woman born with probability consistently in her favor. Burning this story would be a win against plagiarism. 
  "Three Days West" is an acid-Western about cowboys exploiting their otherworldly connection in frontier Colorado. This story deserves burning for ruining pulp heroes. 
  "Zantar" is Tarzan with aliens and raccoons. Burning seems appropriate, as it continues the author’s insatiable bloodlust. 
  "Sea Creatures" is a sapphic love story between a siren and a mermaid. The story deserves burning for suggesting bras are an art form. 
  "Lizard People Take Orlando" tells the story of Zaffre Davis, a student running for mayor while keeping his life as a scalie secret. Burning should be considered due to its depictions of furries as Democrats. 
  "The Spirit Realm" is about the survivor of a mass poisoning who wakes up to find he can talk to alcohol. No character represents absinthe, a crime best punished by burning. 
  "The Pimp That Slapped the Ripper" is about the fall of Jack the Ripper at the hands of a procurer who will protect her property at any cost. The author’s softness has robbed the story of graphic detail; their omission begets burning. 
  "Washed" is the story of a man who loses his memory when he showers. Burn this one to eliminate the author’s ugly past. 
  "An American Weekend" is about a boy visited by the human embodiments of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, who guide him out of his funk. Turn it to ashes; this interpretation of the weekend reeks of privilege. 
  "Roadwork" is about a lemurtologist, an exorcist for the DMV who removes ghosts from road accidents. Tossing this story in the fire could wound a hateful author, smudging the name of the DMV.

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  Double Dose

  Gretchen Archer

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  Listen to Double Dose as directed to learn: 
   
   
   
  1. Working Mom Davis Way Cole's secrets for fostering positive relationships with school administrators at her twin daughters' preschool; 2. Casino Spy Davis Way Cole's reasonable explanation for why she's never been asked to chair an event for the Welcome to the Casino Neighborhood Club; 3. Wife Davis Way Cole's tips and tricks for delivering devastating news to her husband; 4. Daughter Davis Way Cole's best practices when it comes to interpreting gibberish communication from her aging mother; 5. Celebrity-Double Davis Way Cole's advice when it comes to talking her celebrity boss into putting on some clothes already for Pete's sake; 6. Team Leader Davis Way Cole's managerial methods of persuading colleagues to dive right into a situation she's been told to leave alone; 7. Employee Davis Way Cole's step-by-step guide for hogtying her bald boss when he's out of control; 8. Tech-Savvy Davis Way Cole's cyber shortcuts when cloning a halter-wearing psychobabbler's phone, then using it to set up a makeshift computer on the television in her living room; 9. Dog Mom Davis Way Cole's recommendations for training smart and loyal canines; and 10. Superwoman Davis Way Cole's suggestions for surviving the single longest day of her life, which, she can tell you right now, would've been way shorter without the rabbit.

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  Five More Minutes

  J.R. Ripley

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  Five more minutes. That was all the woman standing outside his floundering business, Todd Jones Realty, wanted. Just five minutes. What could go wrong? Surprisingly, everything. And that’s what Todd Jones is about to learn when he allows the enigmatic Caterina Kadlec to enter his office. He’s hoping that her wealthy client, and the big fat commission he’ll earn, will be the answer to his prayers. Unfortunately, Caterina has other plans and those plans include grand larceny. As for the murder, well, sometimes things don’t go as planned, do they? Nope, they sure don’t. And that’s what Todd is also about to learn and learn the hard way. No matter, Todd always has plans of his own and has no qualms about implementing them. Because when it comes to ethics and morality, it’s all a gray area as far as Todd is concerned. To complicate matters, his girlfriend has left him. Again. And his live-in mother, who already insists on keeping an annoying pet pig named Mr. Squeals, has invited a homeless Russian woman to take up residence, thus kicking him out of his home office. If it wasn’t for downhill, it seems Todd’s life would have nowhere to go. And he’s going to have to do something about that… 

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  Fatgirl: Lard Boy

  C. S. Johnson

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  Love at first bite ... 
  Kallie -- as her super-sized, super-hero self -- has had a hard day, and literally the last thing she needs is to find out another Alterant is running loose. And when AB's Phi-ger goes off, she's hardly pleased. 
  But genuine worry starts to overtake her as this time, it's Zeus who's digested the radioactive doughnuts. If he's compromised, Zeus could easily reveal Fatgirl's true identity to the world, and what else could be his worst fear? Along with AB, Kallie races over to save him. 
  Only to be met with the shock of her life ...

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  The Humbugs of the World

  P. T. Barnum

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  Dive into the captivating world of "The Humbugs of the World," where the absurd and the outrageous collide in a delightful exploration of human folly. This engaging audiobook, inspired by the writings of renowned humorist and skeptic, Ambrose Bierce, unravels the myriad ways in which people deceive themselves and others.
   
  Through a series of witty anecdotes and sharp commentary, Bierce highlights the charlatans, fads, and societal quirks that plague humanity, from snake oil salesmen to the peculiar obsessions of the masses. Each chapter offers a humorous yet poignant reflection on the quirks of society, encouraging listeners to question the status quo and embrace critical thinking.
   
  Perfect for those with a keen sense of humor and a thirst for insight, this audiobook is a clever reminder of the importance of discernment in an age rife with misinformation and absurdity. Join us on this entertaining journey as we navigate the delightful labyrinth of humbuggery and learn to see through the smoke and mirrors of modern life.

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  Zoie 'I don't think Jesus did it...

  Jack Webb

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  When a troubled young comic meets a bold, unpredictable woman, their story spirals into dark comedy, spiritual questions, and the unexpected hope of redemption. 
  This short-form audiobook delivers a cinematic punch — part redemption story, part black comedy, all heart. 
   Chris is a young alcoholic who wants nothing to do with his family’s bizarre mortuary business. He dreams of being a comedian, of making people laugh — but the economy is brutal, his drug habit is getting worse, and his life is unraveling fast. 
  Then there’s Zoie. She’s gorgeous, confident, and completely unpredictable — and she’s got plans of her own. What begins as an offbeat romance turns into a chaotic ride through grief, love, repentance, and faith. 
  Zoie: “I Don’t Think Jesus Did It This Way” is a dark, fast-moving romantic comedy with a strange spiritual twist. This is a short story about the opportunities found in: true love, repentance, forgiveness, and redemption. 
  Jack Webb was born in South Carolina and raised mostly on U.S. Air Force bases in Europe and the southwestern U.S. After college, he worked in the motion picture industry and became a director of photography. While in film production, he honed his addictions to a fine edge. Now many years sober, he writes stories inspired by real experiences, tales he’s heard, and his own vivid imagination. This is his first novella.

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