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  No You Can't - Aim Low and Give...

  Dave Dunseath

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  Is it time for you to just give up? 
  Because every time you aim low, you’ll feel like you’ve died and gone to Disneyland. You’ll be in a place where you’re never concerned about hard work, a place where you never feel guilty for goofing off all day, a place where nobody expects anything from you, a place where choosing to eat a third corn dog--or not--will be the hardest decision of your day. 
  No, You Can’t also offers such crumbs of wisdom as:Hope is a crutch. Crutches are only good for getting two things: awesome parking at the mall and sympathy dates. Otherwise, they will just slow you down.You can’t be a failure when you have no hope of winning.Whoever said nothing is easy has never tried quitting. 
  Aiming low is as easy as breathing. You can practically do it without thinking. And the skills required to get there--like quitting and making excuses--take less time to learn than you might imagine. All you need is No, You Can’t and the stark realization that you don’t really want to “be all that you can be.” In fact, your expectations can go so low that anything you DO achieve is completely surprising.

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  Private Citizens

  Tony Tulathimutte

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  Capturing the anxious, self-aware mood of young college grads in the aughts, Private Citizens embraces the contradictions of our new century: call it a loving satire. A gleefully rude comedy of manners. The story’s four whip-smart narrators-idealistic Cory, Internet-lurking Will, awkward Henrik, and vicious Linda—are torn between fixing the world and cannibalizing it. In boisterous prose that ricochets between humor and pain, the four estranged friends stagger through the Bay Area's maze of tech startups, protestors, gentrifiers, karaoke bars, house parties, and cultish self-help seminars, washing up in each other's lives once again.

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  I Curse You With Joy

  Tiffany Haddish

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  Tiffany Haddish is back with her highly anticipated new essay collection, I Curse You With Joy. 
  
   
  It’s been a minute since readers last sat down with Tiffany Haddish. Since The Last Black Unicorn, Haddish has catapulted to A-List fame as the breakout star of Girls Trip. She’s walked the Oscars red carpet, released a hit stand-up special with Netflix, and made history as the first black female comedian to host Saturday Night Live and Shark Week. 
  
   
  But it hasn’t been all VIP parties and free diving with apex predators. In these humorous and heartfelt essays, Tiffany gets real about the highs and lows of life. Believe it or not, there was a time when Tiffany didn’t totally know who Tiffany was. Before she found her groove, she was on stage dressed like her snobby airline coworkers telling halfhearted dick jokes. She tanked. 
  
   
  It took a fake penis, some help from friends, and a little encouragement from Bob Saget, but eventually Tiffany figured out Tiffany. I Curse You With Joy celebrates all the lessons she learned along the way—the joy and the pain. Tiffany reckons with the legacy of her childhood trauma, the challenges of being a black woman in the entertainment industry, and her bittersweet reunion with her estranged father after nearly twenty years apart. And don’t worry, she’s got plenty of advice to share, too. 
  
   
  I Curse You With Joy is Tiffany Haddish unfiltered. (We know what you’re thinking... how much more unfiltered can she get?) These essays lay it all bare, bringing readers into Tiffany’s inner circle where joy, honesty, humor, and heart are the order of the day. 
  
   
  Extra laughs exclusive to the audiobook edition: A Bonus Blooper Reel!

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  Twain's Humor - Collected Stories

  Mark Twain

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  22 Classic Stories from classic American writer, Mark Twain:"The Notorious Jumping Frog of Calaveras County""The Story of the Old Ram""Buck Fanshaw's Funeral""Tom Quartz""What Stumped the Bluejays""Journalism in Tennessee""How I Edited an Agricultural Paper""The Facts in the Great Beef Contract""The Great Landslide Case""The Canvasser's Tale""The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival Crime in Connecticut""Cannibalism in the Cars""My Watch""Fennimore Cooper's Literary Offenses""Political Economy""The McWilliamses and the Burglar Alarm""The Art of Authorship""The Genuine Mexican Plug""Experience of the McWilliamses with Membranous Croup""First Interview with Artemus Ward""Punch, Brothers, Punch""Elmira: October 11th, 1869""Thomas Becker's delivery suggest the wry humor one imagines the author himself would use in reading them." -- Booklist"This recording's success is a result of Becker's dramatic reading ability, which is nicely understated yet totally effective and appropriate." -- School Library Journal"Possibly the best Twain on the market." --The Society for Performance Literature

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  Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear...

  Matthew Inman

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  Matthew Inman’s first collection of The Oatmeal.comspent six weeks on the New York Times bestseller list and sold 200,000 copies. This pivotal and influential comic collection titled 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth introduced Samurai sword-wielding kittens and informed us on how to tell if a velociraptor is having pre-marital sex. Matthew's cat-themed collection How to Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting to Kill You is a #1 New York Times bestseller with more than half a million copies in print. Now with Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants, Inman offers a delicious, tantalizing follow-up featuring all new material that has been posted on the site since the publication of the first book plus never-before-seen comics that have not appeared anywhere.  As with every Oatmeal collection, there is a pull-out poster at the back of the book.In this second collection of over 50 comics, you'll be treated to the hilarity of "The Crap We Put Up with Getting On and Off an Airplane," "Why Captain Higgins Is My Favorite Parasitic Flatworm," "This Is How I Feel about Buying Apps," "6 Things You Really Don't Need to Take a Photo of," and much more. Along with lambasting the latest culture crazes, Inman serves up recurrent themes such as foodstuffs, holidays, e-mail, as well as technological, news-of-the-day, and his snarky yet informative comics on grammar and usage. Online and in print, The Oatmealdelivers brilliant, irreverent comic hilarity.

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  Self-Inflicted Wounds -...

  Aisha Tyler

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  self-inflicted wound (n): a spectacularly humiliating, and often hilarious, incident entirely of one's own making. see also: you did it to yourself.Have you ever made a decision you instantly regretted? Humiliated yourself in a room of your peers, or shamed yourself in front of your massive crush? Ever blown a job interview, frozen during a presentation, acted like a total idiot on a date? Ever said the wrong thing at the wrong time, unable to keep your tongue from flapping out the stupidest words you've ever said in your life, ever? If you are a human being, the answer, of course, is yes. Take heart. You're not alone. This is known as the self-inflicted wound, and every one of us bears a scar. Or several.Here, Aisha Tyler, comedian, actress, cohost of CBS's The Talk, star of Archer, and creator of the top-ranked podcast Girl on Guy, serves up a spectacular collection of her own self-inflicted wounds. From almost setting herself on fire, to vomiting on a boy she liked, to getting drunk and sleeping through the SATs, to going into crushing debt to pay for college and then throwing away her degree to become a comedian, Aisha's life has been a series of spectacularly epic fails. And she's got the scars to prove it. Literally.Through it all, Aisha's triumphs haven't come in spite of the failures, but because of them. Because with every failure comes a lesson learned, a strength revealed, a fear overcome, or an adventure braved. Self-Inflicted Wounds isn't just about surviving failure. It's about embracing failure — pursuing it, even — on the winding path to success. And after you've failed a time or three, hopefully you'll have learned something. Or at the very least have a really killer story. Because to err is human, but to fail epically is hilarious.A HarperAudio production.

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