The Unorthodox Haggadah - A Dogma-free Passover for Jews and Other Chosen People

Nathan Phillips

Summary

The Unorthodox Haggadah is a way to enjoy the strange and wonderful world of religion, while skipping the boring parts. Ritual is at the core of every culture, but people are no longer into dogma. This book offers the ritual with a hilarious, irreverent twist. It is genuinely funny, fun to flip through, and a riot to use at the seder. Make sure everyone around your table has a copy for the next Passover. Sample text: Let's begin by drinking the blood of a virgin lamb off the tip of a flaming golden scimitar. In the event that you've de-virginized your lamb or misplaced your scimitar, use wine. Now, we toast the Israelites for rolling out of Egypt in time and generally being clever. Here are a few things they've invented since 1901: Jeans, lipstick, Hollywood, the fax machine, psychoanalysis, and the weekend. Thanks for getting us out of Egypt before shit got too real. Drink the second cup of wine while leaning to the left. “…light up your seder.” -Huffington Post "A cool, creative affront to Jewish grandmothers." -MediaBistro “Redefine Bitter Herbs…slightly insane.” -Tablet Magazine "It’s the Passover you never knew you always wanted...While there are many (many!) different Haggadah versions out there, this one is hands down our favorite (sorry Maxwell house). Genuinely funny, which puts it head and shoulders above 99.9% of the treacly crap people foist on unsuspecting seder guests to try to fool them into thinking they’re actually enjoying themselves.” -Heeb Magazine

Available since: 02/03/2015.

Other books that might interest you

Endays

Lee Isserow

There are a billion realities out there, each protected by Jump Division, an interdimensional task force dedicated to preserving the stability of the grid.However, not all agents are created equal. Some, are just arseholes.Marcus Hayes is one such arsehole. He's loud, brash, walks away from explosions in slow motion, and pretty much everyone hates him.After yet another mission going awry due to him being a dick, he's stationed on a mundane world as punishment.But as a threat to the world looms, it becomes apparent that this reality isn't even close to being as boring as it's supposed to be...

Show book

Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown -...

John Lithgow

Following the success of his New York Times best seller Dumpty, award-winning actor, author, and illustrator John Lithgow presents a brand-new collection of satirical poems chronicling the despotic age of Donald Trump.

 
Trumpty Dumpty Wanted a Crown is darker and more hard-hitting than ever. Lithgow writes and draws with wit and fury as he takes listeners through another year of the shocking events involving Trump and his administration. His uproarious poems and illustrations encompass Trump's impeachment, the COVID-19 pandemic, the Black Lives Matter protests, and much more. Lithgow targets Mitch McConnell, Mike Pompeo, Bill Barr, Jared Kushner, Elaine Chao, and many others, but also includes a few heroes of the moment, including Anthony Fauci, Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff, and even Barack Obama. 

 
The book arrives at a time when it's needed most. With all-new poems and never-before-seen line drawings, Lithgow will once again make listeners laugh and pause to remember some of the most defining moments in recent history - skewering the reign of King Dumpty one stanza at a time.

Show book

Our Stop

Laura Jane Williams

‘The love story you need in your suitcase this summer!’ Red 
What if you almost missed the love of your life? 
Nadia gets the 7.30 train every morning without fail. Well, except if she oversleeps or wakes up at her friend Emma’s after too much wine. 
Daniel really does get the 7.30 train every morning, which is easy because he hasn’t been able to sleep properly since his dad died. 
One morning, Nadia’s eye catches sight of a post in the daily paper: 
To the cute girl with the coffee stains on her dress. I’m the guy who’s always standing near the doors… Drink sometime? 
So begins a not-quite-romance of near-misses, true love, and the power of the written word. 
 Includes a bonus Q&A between Laura Jane Williams and Carrie Hope Fletcher  
A wonderfully funny will-they-won’t-they romance told with real emotional honesty, perfect 
for those who loved Sally Thorne’s 99% Mine and Helena Hunting’s Meet Cute. 
Recommended by Bustle as a ‘Rom-Com Novel You Need To Read This Summer!’

Show book

Following The: Book 2

Jacqueline Druga

Harper has a gift.Since a near-death experience as a child, she has the ability to reach the other side.While this unique ability is not without its downsides, Harper uses it for good: solving crimes, helping find missing persons, and giving loved ones one last chance to say goodbye.But now something lurks on the other side of the veil. Something evil, something strong, and it’s making its way through.It’s waiting for Harper.Harper and her team must not only find a way to face this being but also to defeat it. The fate of humanity hangs in the balance. The cost of failure is far too high.The Following: Book Two continues the terrifying and often comedic escapades of Harper and her ghost hunting crew.

Show book

People I Want to Punch in the...

Jen Mann

A debut collection of witty, biting essays laced with a surprising warmth, from Jen Mann, the writer behind the popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat. 
People I want to punch in the throat: 
● anyone who feels the need to bling her washer and dryer 
● humblebraggers 
● people who treat their pets like children 
Jen Mann doesn't have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, her fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of mothers' night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship (the one you have with your cleaning lady), nothing is sacred or off-limits. So the next time you find yourself wearing fuzzy bunny pajamas in the school carpool line or accidentally stuck at a coworker's swingers party, just think, What would Jen Mann do? Or better yet, buy her book.

Show book

Father Son and Soldering Gun -...

Steven V. Mycynek

Do you embrace your life and how you came to be who you are today? While that can sometimes be painful, it could be the most powerful thing you ever do. Witness this power through the legacy of Victor Mycynek (1943-2004). 
Victor-an engineer, craftsman, and forestry enthusiast-was not a politician, celebrity, CEO, or business owner. He wasn't an artist or in the military. He didn't live through the era of social media influencers. Still, just by being himself, he inspired the richest and fullest life possible for many who knew him. It would be an understatement to say he used his time well. 
Victor's son, Steven, proves through stories about his father, some happy or sad, some funny or just plain odd, that accepting who you are and where you came from, quirks and all, can unleash an awesome force to impact the world around you for the better. Following Victor's example, we all can learn to use our time well.

Show book