Subscribe and enjoy more than 1 million books
Add this book to bookshelf
Grey 902feb64d8b6d481ab8ddda06fbebbba4c95dfa9b7936a7beeb197266cd8b846
Write a new comment Default profile 50px
Grey 902feb64d8b6d481ab8ddda06fbebbba4c95dfa9b7936a7beeb197266cd8b846
Read online the first chapters of this book!
All characters reduced 7236434c7af12f85357591f712aa5cce47c3d377e8addfc98f989c55a4ef4ca5
50 Things Not to Do after 50 - From Naming Your Pets after Tolkien Characters to Signaling "Peace Out" to Your Friends - cover

50 Things Not to Do after 50 - From Naming Your Pets after Tolkien Characters to Signaling "Peace Out" to Your Friends

Leland Gregory

Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing

  • 1
  • 5
  • 0

Summary

The rules change at 50! The New York Times–bestselling author and former SNL writer offers advice on living this stage of life with your dignity intact.   If you or someone you know has just turned fifty, it’s time to accept that the rules of life have changed, and that fifty is not the new thirty for most of us. Leland Gregory understands the forgetful minds, sagging bodies, and flagging pride of his fellow middle-agers, and in 50 Things Not to Do after 50, he offers helpful—and hilarious—advice for combating the humiliations this stage of life can bring.   In this lighthearted and sometimes painfully on-target book, you’ll learn that what we used to do in our twenties, thirties, and forties should be avoided at all costs from now on. For example, regardless of gender, under no circumstances should you ever . . .  Attempt to wear leather pantsStart a story that involves a lot of names—you’ll forget most of them before the story is overStalk your high school sweetheart on Facebook; the person you had the hots for in 10th grade probably isn’t so hot anymoreGet drunk in Pamplona and decide to run with the bullsVolunteer to be a drug muleSay things like “fo’shizzle,” “whatev,” or “cray-cray”. . . And do we really need to mention thongs, Speedos, or jeggings?  Leland Gregory, the New York Times–bestselling author of Stupid American History and America’s Dumbest Criminals, has been praised by Katie Couric as the “chronicler of Stupid America.”

Other books that might interest you

  • The World's Greatest Idiot's Quotes: And Some Other Things Said By Some Stupid Ass Dummies - cover

    The World's Greatest Idiot's...

    Dorothy Bigguns

    • 1
    • 1
    • 0
    Laugh Out Loud at the World's Dumbest Quotes. Read about how:Gay marriage is between a man and a womanSee how unfair life is for a pop starMiss the importance of life by smokingAutobiographies should be written from beyond the graveChicago is the 52nd state in the U.S.Chemistry teaches proper mathWar is, in fact, a dangerous placePoverty is an accomplishment to brag aboutAnd, much more hilarity! 
    "After reading the things that the worlds most famous and highly respected individuals have said, I almost feel like a genius. " 
    -Ramsey A., online review 
     
    "Very unexpected!" 
    -Concerned, online review 
     
    "I didn't say that!!!" 
    -The Pope 
     
    Everyone throughout the world has misspoken at some point in their lives and The World’s Greatest Idiot’s Quotes...And Other Things Said By Some Stupid Ass Dummies is an inside look at some of the dumb things people say. This book gives you some funny and memorable lines by some of the most famous athletes, celebrities, and politicians. The quotes are proof that fame and fortune come with intense scrutiny on every word spoken, good or bad. Some things can be said and taken out of context, some thoughts aren’t articulated very well and other lines are best left up to the imagination of the reader. Dorothy Bigguns provides laughter, inspiration, and motivation for anyone who has ever said anything asinine.  
      
    Scroll to the top of the page and select the buy button.
    Show book
  • Lake City - A Novel - cover

    Lake City - A Novel

    Thomas Kohnstamm

    • 0
    • 3
    • 0
    “Lake City is a darkly funny and extremely relevant debut novel about American inequality and moral authority, featuring a sad-sack antihero who takes way too long to grow up. When he finally does, the results are beautiful, and the book ultimately becomes an elegy for a now-gone Seattle, and a lesson in how the place we’re from never fully lets us go.” —Anthony Doerr, author of All the Light We Cannot See  
    Hunkered down in his childhood bedroom in Seattle's worn-out Lake City neighborhood, idealistic but self-serving striver Lane Bueche licks his wounds and hatches a plot to win back his estranged Manhattanite wife. 
    
    He discovers a precarious path forward when he is contracted by a wealthy adoptive couple to seduce and sabotage a troubled birth mother from his neighborhood. Lane soon finds himself in a zero-sum game between the families as he straddles two cultures, classes, and worlds. Until finally, with the well-being of the toddler at stake, Lane must choose between wanting to do the right thing (if he could only figure out what that is) and reclaiming his idea of privilege. 
     "Snarky social commentary on the world of Seattle have-nots." —Kirkus Reviews
    Show book
  • Dog Quotes - Proverbs Quotes & Quips - cover

    Dog Quotes - Proverbs Quotes &...

    Amy Morford

    • 1
    • 4
    • 0
    Dog Quotes: Proverbs, Quotes & Quips is a bountiful treasure trove of over 250 popular proverbs, insightful quotes and cunning quips. Filled with beloved popular sentiments and lesser known gems of dog-loving wit and wisdom, this book is a great read or thoughtful gift for anyone who has been enthralled by "Man's (and woman's) best friend." If you are as devoted to your dog as he or she is to you, this smile-inducing read will make you laugh and nod your head in agreement as you turn through page after page of spot-on quotes about dogs--our wild, wacky wonderful and much beloved canine companions. With so much to choose from, you're certain to find one or two quotes that are particularly touching or moving, making it impossible to resist sharing those quotes with fellow dog lovers at the local dog park, vet, or dog grooming salon!
    Show book
  • Planet Panic - Notes from the Queen of Procrastination - cover

    Planet Panic - Notes from the...

    Pam Pastor

    • 1
    • 2
    • 0
    Crazy things keep happening to Pam Pastor and she is left with no choice but to chronicle them. In this second collection of stories, she tells us:
     
    How Pong Pagong ended her shot at stardom;Why her grandma burned all her trolls when she was in sixth grade;How she terrorized her brother on Facebook;Why she became a flower girl at 31;How a New York socialite almost kidnapped her;How she learned survival skills from Bear Grylls; andWhy taxi drivers think she’s the white lady of Balete Drive.
     
    There are also tales about dead rabbits, Potato Corner, thirty bras, hospitals, a missing terrarium, New Kids on the Block, beer, and balikbayan boxes. Fun for the whole family.
    Show book
  • Dirty Jokes For Adults - Short Sex Jokes That Will Make You Pee Your Pants (Illustrated Edition) - cover

    Dirty Jokes For Adults - Short...

    Mature Jokemaker Jr.

    • 1
    • 6
    • 0
    Illustrated Edition
    
    Are you undersexed? Here is some consolation for you! Get ready for the best collection of short sex jokes. We promise you: You will pee your pants! But watch out, it's very dirty, sick and nasty!
    
    Only for adults.
    Show book
  • Facebook Quotes and Status Updates - Volume 1 - cover

    Facebook Quotes and Status...

    Silver S.

    • 0
    • 3
    • 0
    Facebook Quotes and Status Updates Volume 1 is the perfect read for lovers of quotes that are edgy, slightly "out there" and sometimes R-Rated. These are not your usual quotes! These quotes will have you laughing out loud, shaking your head or saying. "Oh, no, he (or she) didn't!" This book brims with quotes on a wide range of accessible topics. Who can't relate to quotes about love, marriage, or relationships? Since we all grow older and age, the chapter on aging is a goldmine for anyone facing a major age milestone or dreaded birthday. There is an entertaining chapter packed with alcohol and drinking quotes and a chapter filled with quotes on miscellaneous topics. For salty souls, the final chapter is relegated to R-Rated quotes. This is not your grandmother's quote book. That is, unless she drank, fell in love, aged, and cursed like a sailor!
    Show book