The Big Book of Senior Moments - Humorous Jokes and Anecdotes as a Reminder That We All Forget
Publisher: Skyhorse Publishing
Old age isn’t for wimps, nor is it for those without a sense of humor. The Big Book of Senior Moments is chock full of those small blunders, momentary lapses, and misplaced keys that happen to all of us. Humor might not help you remember your cat’s name, but it will certainly make you feel less alone!Did you know that Albert Einstein once searched frantically for his misplaced train ticket because he couldn’t remember where he was going? Or that Marilyn Monroe forgot the same line through 52 takes during the filming of Some Like it Hot? Can you believe that Marlon Brando had to have his lines written on another actor’s forehead so he could get through a scene? If you have done something like this, don’t despair, for you are among other greats like Lincoln, Beethoven, Newton, Toscanini, and a whole assortment of presidents, poets, philosophers, popes, and Nobel Prize–winners. The Big Book of Senior Moments will be sure to bring a smile to friends and family alike. Don’t forget to pick up your copy today!
"Andrews is at her best in this thoroughly satisfying story with the right blend of mystery, romance, and sharply funny writing." --Orlando Sentinel
Whether it’s a mystery, sassy women’s fiction, or a combination of the two, New York Times bestseller Mary Kay Andrews always gives her fans a read to remember. And now she’s throwing a Hissy Fit, in the best possible sense. A delicious tale of revenge and renovation, Hissy Fit tells of a wronged spitfire who’s determined to see that the no-good lowdown, lying, cheating varmint of an ex-fiancé who ruined her life and her business gets the comeuppance he so richly deserves…even as she struggles to revitalize a broken-down antebellum mansion for a hunky, if slightly odd, local businessman. If you like the novels of Fannie Flagg, Jennifer Crusie, Adriana Trigiani, and Emily Giffin, or are a devoted follower of Rebecca Wells or Jill Conner Browne’s Sweet Potato Queens, then Mary Kay’s Hissy Fit is not to be missed.
Once you become a granny, you have to learn the lingo - and here's where Granny Knows Best comes in. Straight from the mouths of the nation's grannies, it's a hilarious treasury of sensible advice, acerbic humour and homely warmth for you to enjoy, laugh at and impart to your grandchildren. With granny's tips on relationships ('never let the sun go down on an argument'), social interaction ('if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'), housekeeping ('cleaning the house will not pay the rent') and much more, this book contains everything you - and your grandchildren - need to negotiate modern life. The book also answers some vital questions: Are you a go-getter granny or a glam-ma? Who was the world's strongest granny? What are grannies called around the world? It explores how to manage being a long-distance granny, essential granny grammar tips, and what never to say to the mother of your grandchildren. Bursting with grandmotherly wit and wisdom, this is your go-to guide for all things granny.
My Kid Is an Asshole, and So Is My Dog
-- a comedic look at the drama of raising a teenage girl
I just returned from the mall after school shopping with my soon-to-be sophomore and her friend. I now understand why fathers opt to go camping, roll around in elk urine, and shit in a hole rather than go to the mall three days before school starts. As if the crowds weren't bad enough, my girl decided to wear a flannel that hung lower than her shorts, making it appear that she was walking around naked from the waist down.
She was flocked by sales people, who, I am sure, were calculating their commissions in their heads. I mean, why not? Everybody wants to help the girl who arrives pant-less. Obviously, she needs clothes.
We're not home half an hour and the vodka I poured for myself is only half gone when she yells down from her room, "Mom, have you seen my push up bra? Maybe we need to go back to the mall."
It's the moments like these where I'm convinced raising a teen is bullshit, and I wonder if we'll ever come out on the other side even speaking to one another. Pass the vodka.
There aren't enough warnings in the world for raising teenage girls. Although my mom swears my daughter takes after me, so it's karma.
Is it karma that I've got two barking dogs? It must be. Have you ever heard a shiu-tzu bark? I have. Over and over. They think they're coyotes. I swear. And right now, they're wrestling over some stuffed animal, which is surely about to fling open, so I can pick up little beads all over the carpet while drinking my vodka. No wait. They stopped. One of them had to drag its ass across the floor. Epic.
It's in the little moments where I earn my parenting badges—the faded stretch marks.
If this is my karma for being such an asshole to my mom, maybe we can get through this too. And if she pays attention in English, instead of scouting for a prom date, she can learn to write her own book—the sequel to this: My Mom Is an Asshole, but Not My Dog.
Who better to unveil the mysteries of the he-man psyche than a woman's best friend, the master of clever and refined thinking, the gay man? He knows exactly when, where, and how to elicit that ultimate ooh-ooh, because he knows all too well what he wants.
Two fearless and dedicated scholars, Dan Anderson and Maggie Berman have conducted an intensive, lifelong survey on the subject of male pleasure, at times even descending into the trenches themselves. Now the wisdom they gained can finally be divulged to the heterosexual public.
Dazzle your guy with surefire man-pleasers!The Flying Wallenda PositionThe Upstanding CitizenThe Princeton Belly Rub
Get the fire started with foolproof first moves!"Wait a second . . . let me get that thread off your pants.""Wow, you've been working out! Make a muscle."
Hot tips for hot loving!The Up, Twist, Over, and Down—the stroke that'll have men fighting over you like you were Helen of Troy!Remember: You want to hold a Diet Coke, but you don't want to crush the can.
So take some Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man . . . and drive your lover to new heights of ecstasy!
From the caring to the crazy, a collection of wit and wisdom from real-life moms. Their words can bring love and laughter and make us feel warm and safe . . . or, occasionally, completely confused. Now, the author of Like My Father Always Said . . .has crowd-sourced quotable quotes from countless moms—and gathers them in this hilarious, heartwarming volume. “Every woman should have a nice gay man looking after her.” “You’re not hungry. Your mouth is bored.” “You like what you’re wearing?” “Have a drink, you’ll perk right up.” “Don’t be impressed by a man’s car—he may be living in it.” Covering a variety of subjects including “Questionable Wisdom,” “Unconditional Love,” and “Good Manners & Bad Behavior,” Like My Mother Always Said . . . is the perfect book for anyone whose mom never gave up on them.
In uncertain times we all need a good laugh, and this brand new collection from THE HERALD DIARY is sure to help. In Purrsuit of Happiness has hundreds of strange, amusing and hilarious tales that will bring a smie to even the most grim-faced banker, politician or traffic warden. So go on, crack a smile and enjoy!
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